Wednesday, July 26th, 2017

46 Humorous Truths About Life From George Carlin

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george carlin 199x300 46 Humorous Truths About Life From George Carlin

Blog post Boomer54 Mark

George Carlin was one of my favorite comedians, sadly he is no longer with us. Below are some of his insightful, humorous and simple truths that I came across.

Also, be sure to watch the video at the end, his stand up routine about the difference between football and baseball is not only funny and true, but simply a classic.

1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the
bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the
self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren’t
going as ghosts but as mattresses?

8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there
is no woman around to hear him…is he still wrong?

10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
it considered a hostage situation?

11. Is there another word for synonym?

12. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”

13. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”

14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered plant?

15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?

18. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

19. Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?

22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

24. Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

26. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

27. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

28. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

29. The older you get, the better you realize you were.

30. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

31. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

32. Women like silent men; they think they’re listening.

33. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

34. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

35. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

36. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

37. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

38. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

39. If God dropped acid, would he see people?

40. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

41. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

42. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

43. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

44. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

45. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

46. Why do Americans drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Grab Copies of George Carlin’s DVDs at Amazon.com 46 Humorous Truths About Life From George Carlin







About the author: Boomer54 Mark is the publisher and senior editor of Baby Boomer Talk Online. He likes to be helpful to other boomers sharing useful information he gleans from the web. He attempts to go through life being positive and spreads this to the boomer world via email with inspirational quotes and videos. He is living in America’s finest city, San Diego, with his wife, The Red Headed Trip , and his two Boxer Dogs, Gabe and Luke.

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  1. [...] good friend Mark Young (Baby Boomer Talk Online) put these quotes from the now deceased comedian George Carlin on his Boomer blog today. Check [...]



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